1. Indiscriminate use of the words : basically, obviously, y’know.

2. Music played in shops/stores.

3. Tannoy announcements in D.I.Y. etc. "sheds".

4. People in the queue at a till who start to look for their money after being told the cost of their purchase(s).

5. Use of the incorrect word e.g. something/somethink, bought/brought,

6. Spelling errors.

7. The French

8. Bad time keeping.

9. Objects out of true (not level or perpendicular)

10. Sales assistant in conversation with a third person while I am being served. (see 54.)

11. People who talk loudly on mobile phones in public places.

12. "Immigrants" who constantly refer to better conditions in their native country.

13. People who pay for goods in shops with a £50 note. (usually for a tube of toothpaste 10 minutes after the shop has opened)

14. The use, by English people, of a continental figure 7.

15. Overpaid sports personalities who are constantly whining about the hard work they have to do.

16. People who allow very young children to answer the telephone.

17. Non operational clocks in public places.

18. People (usually women) who sign their name on cheques etc. with their title e.g. Mrs. J. Smith

19. Use of the adjective instead of the adverb.

20. The use of military titles by retired personnel.

21. "Untidy" parking.

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22. Dog poop on pavements.

23. Litter.

24. People who allow their pets (dogs and cats) to pee or otherwise on my garden.

25. Spitting footballers

26. People who chew while talking.

27. Chewing gum on pavements.

28. "Chelsea Tractor" drivers.

29. The Germans - on holiday. (I'm not really xenophobic, I just don't like bloody foreigners especially those who hog the sun loungers)

30. People sniffing, especially when in conversation.

31. Being told how beautiful the weather has been while I have been away on my (Mediterranean) holiday.

32. Bad road manners.

33. Bad manners of any sort.

34. The slow service in Continental etc. bars and restaurants.

35. Garden strimmers

36. American comedians.

37. Unreadable till receipts.

38. Bad ventriloquists.

39. Pregnant celebrities who insist on exposing their enlarged abdomen.

40. Charity collectors who expose you to emotional blackmail "Do you want to help terminally ill children?"

41. e-mail typed in CAPITAL LETTERS

42. The use of the word HERO to describe a sports personality.

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43. Advertising flyers etc. left under my car windscreen wipers.

44. Wobbly restaurant tables.

45. Airport baggage carousels.

46. Toilet seats which move about when you are "enthroned".

47. Men who wear replica football team shirts.

48. Uncleared tables in cafés / restaurants.

49. Stickers in car rear windows announcing "Baby on Board"

50. Garage mechanics who do not return my car seat to its original position (angle, height etc.) after a service.

51. Sports event spectators who display the Union flag upside down.

52. Traffic queue jumpers.

53. Any type of queue jumpers ! (an Empire was built on the tradition of queuing)

54. Person holding a mobile phone conversation with a third party whilst being served in a shop.

55. Having to pay to visit a craft/antiques fair (I never charged customers to enter my shop !)

56. Butter fresh from a chiller served with my bread roll in a restaurant - a blow torch is needed before it can be spread.

57. Drivers who do not display dipped headlights when visibility is poor.

58. Posters attached to lamp posts etc. advertising an event which are left in place long after said event.

59. Use of trendy business words/phrases e.g. "thinking out of the box", "touching base" etc.

60. Television adverts. produced in a foreign language shown with badly dubbed English speech.

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This isn't the only version on the topic but I feel it sums up splendidly the age we now live in.

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and even the 70's !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they
carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get
tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright coloured
lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took
hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE
actually died from this.

We ate  sponge cakes, white bread and real butter and drank fizzy pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back
when the streetlights came on (or the sun set, depending on where we lived)

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down
the hill, only to find out that we had forgotten the brakes. After running into the
bushes and nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no
200 channels on satellite TV, no video tape movies, no DVD's, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents because we took responsibility for our actions.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us
forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang
the bell, or just yelled for them!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law!


This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers
and inventors ever!

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as
kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own
good.

And while you are at it, have your kids read it so they will know how brave
their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

 

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London Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense

'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

Why the early bird gets the worm;

Life isn't always fair;  

and; Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly pupil, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast to a pupil; but could not inform parents when a pupil became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense began to lose the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;

I Know My Rights,

I Want It Now,

It's Not My Fault,

 

and

I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

 

And a little extra........................

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600 employees and has the following statistics?

29 have been accused of spouse abuse, 7 have been arrested for fraud, 19 have been accused of writing bad cheques, 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses, 3 have done time for assault, 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit, 4 have been arrested on drug-related charges, 8 have been arrested for shoplifting, 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits, 84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year.

Which organization is this?

It's the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

I rest my case.

 

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 Page updated: 26 Mai 2008